Martha Stewart’s one of the biggest household celebrities of this decade. But, can she make CBD products? We found out in our latest review. Martha Stewart's new CBD line is exactly what you need to survive a second lockdown. With an open and festive mind, I slammed Martha’s PSL-esque gummies for a week.
Martha Stewart CBD Review
You read that right: this CBD brand comes right from the wellness guru herself, Martha Stewart. This time, instead of teaching you a recipe or helping you decorate your living room, she’s crafted a brand to help improve your overall health and wellness.
Partnering with Canopy Growth, one of the world’s biggest cannabis corporations, Martha Stewart CBD holds a lot of promise.
Martha’s brand utilizes some of the prettiest, daintiest packaging I’ve seen from a CBD brand, reminding customers of the celeb behind the label. As you’d expect, the flavors within these CBD products are some of the best you’ll try. They claim to use the same ingredients that Martha utilizes within her baking, helping to bring out flavor profiles that most brands fail to achieve.
However, where Martha Stewart CBD really falls flat is the strength and potency of the products. They utilize CBD isolate and do not offer high strengths for those who need something more powerful.
Martha Stewart’s CBD brand is just as beautiful — and as tasty — as you’d expect from the celebrity. Unfortunately, the products themselves aren’t incredibly strong, and wouldn’t be ideal for experienced consumers. The brand uses CBD isolate, so you’re missing out on the benefits of other cannabinoids and terpenes. Overall, my experience with these products was pleasant, mostly because of the flavors; however, I do wish the effects were stronger, as I only felt mild relaxation and subtle pain relief.
Martha Stewart’s new CBD line is exactly what you need to survive a second lockdown
In case you forgot (or were led to believe otherwise by the rise in superspreader events hitting the country), we are still in the middle of a global pandemic – one that is worsening as we head into colder months.
While this means we’ll likely be under some form of quarantine for even longer, I’d be remiss not to look back on the various phases of quarantine we’ve lived through so far already.
There was, of course, the “Tiger King” days no one can truly seem to remember; the Chloe Ting month where everyone on TikTok thought, “Yes, now is a very good time to get ‘shredded,’” and who could forget those gorgeous spring sourdough days? Actually, I can forget the spring sourdough days. Looking back, I think I might have been drunk for the first three months of quarantine just trying to make it through…
But enough about the past! We’re living in a far darker and scarier time, one where a handmaid (sorry; former handmaid, current “woman leader”) has just been confirmed to serve on the Supreme Court, where parts of our country are literally on fire, and where our current president’s inability to actually be a president might split this country right in two.
What’s one way we can all bunker down (pun sincerely intended) and just chill the f*ck out? Friends and lovers, may I introduce you to Martha Stewart CBD. From the only person in the world I still have faith and trust in comes a new line of CBD products to help you deal with these trying times.
This line has everything: gummies (which Martha calls “pâte de fruit,”) softgels, and Meyer Lemon CBD Oil. After using the products for a little over two weeks, I feel as cool, calm, and collected as ever!*
(*Author’s disclaimer: there is genuinely no way to be truly cool, calm, and collected during an ongoing global pandemic. These products will not cure COVID or COVID-era mental duress.)
I tried all three products in the line and found that some are more effective than others. Below, my full review of Martha Stewart’s new line of CBD products.
CBD Oil- Meyer Lemon Flavor ($44.99)
I’ve been a little grossed out by the slimy texture of every other CBD oil I tried, so I was definitely scared to try Martha’s take on it. I scrunched up my face, preparing for the worst, but then I noticed right away that Martha’s seemed to go down much easier than any CBD oil I tried in the past. Lo and behold, our domestic goddess truly thought of everything and added stevia to her oil to cut down on the icky sensation and help make the experience delicious instead.
I’ve had insomnia since I was 11-years-old, but stayed away from sleeping aids. However, in my old age, I’ve turned to the wonders of melatonin (and have upped my dosage repeatedly to keep it working). In my opinion, the main downside to melatonin—aside from everything about it—is how sharply it sends you off into sleep. I have always been able to tell the exact second my melatonin hits my bloodstream because it’s the exact second I feel as though I’ve run headfirst into a brick wall.
The greatest thing I can say about Martha Stewart CBD oil is that it doesn’t do that. I take one dropper (or 25 mg of CBD) and the ease with which I fall asleep is so smooth and serene, I’m calm enough to forget that the entire fabric of our democracy is coming undone. I drift to sleep softly enough to forget all of the paralyzing fear that lies in this still-existing, very real global pandemic and monster truck highway car crash fire of a government in limbo.
CBD Wellness Gummies- Berry Medley ($34.99)
As Martha tells it, her inspiration for starting her own line of CBD goodies was from Snoop Dogg smoking “10 giant fat blunts” at the Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber. Since then, Martha has become an absolute stoner queen: although some of her friends feel the effects of her gummies after just two, Martha told Sheila Marikar of the New York Times, “I pop 20 of them and just feel OK.”
I’m more like Martha than her friends. I was so excited for these pâte de fruits, thinking they would be Martha’s take on edibles. While the flavors in the berry pack are A-1, top tier, goddess status, the actual effect I got from them couldn’t compare. Each gummy has 10 mg of CBD so in keeping with my oil dosage, I took two gummies, sat back, and waited. In essence, 20 gummies definitely might have done the trick.
The next day, I spoke with a more seasoned CBD user (a Coloradan) about my issue and he suggested to just keep sucking on the gummy until it dissolved. So I took my two boysenberry gummies, rolled them around my mouth until I was moderately grossed out by the texture I created, sat back, and waited.
As a late-night snack in the middle of a binge-watch session when I’m too lazy to get up and go downstairs, these gummies excel. But as far as CBD products go, they don’t live up to the high bar the oil set.
Now, this is something different. After trying both the oil to sleep and the gummies when I get a little peckish, I wasn’t sure where the softgels would fit into the equation. At 25 mg of CBD in an itty bitty capsule, I kind of just assumed these softgels would serve to replace my CVS brand melatonin. But I was wrong.
I know that most people take CBD during the day to kind of eek the edge off and mellow out while still functioning and going about their day. It was even suggested that I do this, become a person that takes CBD during the day, by my therapist. However, I thought I was far too anxious to become this person. But y’all… that was before and this is now.
I took one softgel before bed, thinking it was going to help me fall asleep as I watched a little John Oliver. Lo and behold, 30 minutes later, I’m feeling so calm and serene but still fully awake. I was following along with everything John was saying, I wasn’t sleepy, and I realized I subconsciously carry a lot of tension in my shoulders.
The softgels came out of left field and singlehandedly won this game. I’m so excited to become the CBD gal my therapist knew I could (and should) be, and, in keeping with the overall energy of my life, the only one I have to thank for this is Martha Stewart.
– Martha Stewart CBD is great for anyone who is looking to try CBD for the first time
Martha Stewart’s Pumpkin Spice CBD Gummies Are a Stony Autumn Delight
Martha, my she-king, has given us a savory-sweet CBD treat that’s perfect for relaxing before, during, or after work.
Martha Stewart has been in the game for a long time. She pioneered self-branding long before Gwyneth was slinging vagina candles, or the Grateful Dead was collaborating on aprons (they’re great, by the way). Whether you grew up hypnotized by her ability to crank out seasonal wreaths on Martha Stewart Living or only just clocked her wholesome friend-brand-ship with Snoop Dogg, you have to admit: Martha knows what’s up. She always has.
Over the decades, Martha has not just kept up with the times, but helped to define them in an increasingly celeb-led world of online shopping. Remember when she made an entire ceramic nativity set in prison—oh yeah, she went to prison that one time—and then sold replicas on her site? She even gained the respect of my other favorite she-king, Joan Didion. In a 2000 New Yorker essay, Didion asserts that “by branding herself not as Superwoman but as Everywoman, Stewart made even her troubles an integral part of her success.” She’s talented, but she’s also self-aware. Plus, she’s no narc.
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Anyways. If it’s not at one-hundo, Martha won’t do it. So when I heard that my queen was slinging a new limited-edition release of her CBD gummies, I was curious to know what she’d regale us with next. An heirloom tomato flavor? Another *chef’s kiss* batch of quince and kumquat gumdrops? Lo and behold the tasty peak of spooky season, Martha Stewart’s limited edition pumpkin spice CBD gummies:
I’ve tried everything from CBD tinctures to CBD-infused pajamas over the years, but I had yet to find a CBD gummy that hit the perfect note between sweet and savory, while chilling me out just enough to binge six episodes of Swamp Loggers. With an open and festive mind, I slammed Martha’s PSL-esque gummies for a week, in various situations, to see if they were actually legit.
What was rad
These gummies are made with CBD or cannabidiol isolate, and don’t contain any THC, which is the psychoactive ingredient in weed that normally makes me trip balls. Ideally, CBD isolate should bring on a slow, gentle wave of stoner-y calm without any of the paranoid scaries. My favorite dose is about 30 milligrams at a time, or in this case, three gummies at 10 milligrams per piece.
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“Holy shit,” my roommate said when I handed her the gummies, “it’s like a bakery in a bag.” There was an initial waft of vanilla and fresh pastry from Martha’s baggy that transported us to a picturesque, autumnal Hallmark Original Movie (have you seen Butlers in Love yet??), and I appreciated that the gummies weren’t too sweet or overpowered by their light dusting of sugar. I’m not a big fan of dessert, so I also appreciated the fact that while the gummies have a sugary top note, they offer a very delicate, pumpkin-and-Cinnabon essence. The texture was silky and easy to chew (sometimes CBD gummies get hella stiff and stuck to your teeth), and eradicated any bitterness you would typically get from CBD with a balanced, layered flavor profile.
Photo by the Author
At first, it was hard to say if they really had an effect, because we slammed one or two before bed when we were already relaxed. They were definitely delicious, and I had to put them in my room to stop from snacking on them, but the real test came the following week.
It was the first day of Mercury retrograde. I threw out my neck, my Taj Kabab King order was wrong, and everyone dipped on our weekend Renn Faire plans. I slid into my icy migraine mask, and pounded four or five gummies to yeet myself from reality. In about 20 minutes, the slew of both physical and Petty Betty problems didn’t feel so debilitatingly stressful. Suddenly, I was sailing down a river of calm, feeling groovy and unbothered while checking off things from my to-do list: Send the emails you’ve been putting off (easy), drop off your laundry (done), and crawl out from under the weight of my anxiety (a breeze). It’s not that these pumpkin-spice saviors got me into a stoner haze where my problems didn’t exist, but they had the effect of helping me shake off the petty problems, cocooning me in warmth and a little more patience.